Thursday, January 6, 2011

35 Little Acts of Kindness for New Yorkers

As promised, here is a list of kind things that New Yorkers can do to make cohabitating on this little island easier:

1. SMILE, to all you nonnewyorkers this may seem like a joke, but it's not. We don't smile at each other, we growl.
2. Don't block the entrance as you wait for your table at brunch. It's cold outside!
3. Kindly tap a tourist on the shoulder and ask them to move out of the walkway.
4. Cancel your dinner reservation if you plan to no-show.
5. Say to the doorman "they are with us" and help out the two lonely divas shivering in their Jessica Simpson stilettos waiting to get in da latest club (club pump up the jam or something like that).
6. Don't put your 12 pound "purse" on the "free space" next to you at Mary's Fish Camp. That is impeding on someones space. No one cares if it is a $900 louis vuitton tote bag that you saved your babysitting money to buy. 
7. Give up your seat in the front at the AA meeting to the individual who has had a few too many old-fashions that morning. I don't care if Ethan Hawke is sitting right next you. Jimmy Old-Fashioned needs the seat more than you do.
8. Offer the size zero girl next to you at the Barney's warehouse sale the Stella McCartney blazer that just doesn't fit, then offer her a doughnut.
9. Don't stare when I fall up the stairs while wearing inappropriately high heels.
10. Stand outside of the City Clerk's office and offer free marital advice to anyone who wants it.
11. Offer the extra nickle, dime, or quarter to the shorthanded person in front of you at the coffee stand
12. Kindly tell the handsome men at Express Tailor Service that you understand Spanish and yes blanca would like to dance.
13. Buy a round of tickets at pay-what-you-wish day (sunday's between 11am-1pm) at The Frick Collection and give them out to the patrons behind you. Say to them, "Hey, this one is on me."
14. Place the half-off Louboutins back on the proper sale rack at bergdorfs. Don't make me hunt for my size in the all cork wedges.
15. Offer to share a cab with the tipsy girl who is giving a lap dance to the banker wanker at the bar in murray hill. When you get in the cab say to her "Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, duke."
16. Say to the individual behind you in line for a taxi at JFK airport, "Hey are you going downtown?"
17.  Tell me when everyone is staring at my heinie because my black undies are showing through my white dress, then give me a high-five.
18. Take an entire stack of the Metro or AM New York (free daily newspapers) and tell the chilly guy who passes them out, "Hey go get a coffee, I'll pass these out at the office."
19. Place a copy of the Metro or AM New York on the desk of every partner at the law firm where you work (See number 18 for more information). Don't forget to add a little post-it that says, "Thought you would enjoy today's article on the rat infestation in city schools best, Jane"
20. Encourage someone who seems despondent after paying a broker fee.
21. Buy a drink for one of the mustached bartenders at Employees only, then tell him that they psychic said it was his destiny to buy a $25 dollar muddled something and run out. Don't forget to scream "sucker!" as you run out.
22. Don't touch the 80% cashmere coat, hanging on the coat hooks at Rai Rai Ken, with your salty ramen paws.
23. Save a bottle of Trader Joe's Charles Shaw $1.99 wine for a college student.
24. Stop jumping rope in your apartment after midnight. Save the guy downstairs from the headache.
25. Offer directions to the tourist who looks lost. When they ask you where little owl restaurant is tell them 42nd and 8th and help them get a cab.
26. Buy your assistant, who is complaining of menopause hot flashes on the subway, a fan that she can carry in her pocket.
27. Use your inside voice outside when you are telling the story about Shari and Kari's escapades at the UES favorite, Dorrians.
28. Do not throw your household trash away in the public receptacle.
29. Walk by Magnolia's bakery shouting "Only 1500 calories each!" You likely saved someone from breaking their new year's resolution.
30. Stand outside of cowgirl in the village and offer childcare service in exchange for margaritas, then start a conga line of 9-year olds.
31. Knock on your neighbor's door, when they open the door say, " I was just checking that you are alive." Then walk away.
32. Encourage a busker.
33. Offer to screen all of your friend's dates, suggest they meet you for dinner at Ninja.
34. Let your friend check-in first to foursquare when having brunch at Le Bibloquet.
35. Kiss a fireman (FDNY) on Halloween, this way you can tell your husband/boyfriend/lover that you thought it was him in costume.

(Photo by my husband of me enjoying a full-on couch nap, discovered on my iphone)

1 comment:

  1. First off, I came across your blog this morning and have really enjoyed reading it. Second, I love this list. It is both hilarious and very true! Thank you for sharing! I am your newest follower.;)


    Molly Jane

    PS. Come by and follow me too if youy want!